Welcome to Jabali News Service Politics Arts & Entertainment Evil Schemes Pork Products
December 21, 2002
Mediocre Man! On the vanguard in the fight against petty crime!

BALTIMORE (JNS) _ Making mayonnaise in a copper bowl late one night, mild-mannered reporter Alex Dominguez notices the finished condiment tastes a little metallic.
A little too tipsy to care, he eats his tunafish sandwich and goes to sleep.
He awakes, makes another sandwich and heads to work, where another uneventful day passes... until his walk home.

``Hey, stop… ‘’ he hears while crossing the footbridge across the canal near his home. A half-block away a woman struggles with a dark figure trying to take her purse. His reactions quickened from their normal sluggish pace by the copper pulsing through his veins, the mild-mannered reporter begins running toward the woman, unwittingly becoming ``Mediocre Man.’’
Because of his average speed, he is unable to catch up to the thief, but a jogger nearby notices the chase and yells ``Stop him, he took her purse!’’
Others join in the chase, and ``Mediocre Man,’’ winded after sprinting more than a block, slows to a walk.
The woman catches up, crying. And Mediocre Man begins to run again, catching up to two men who chased the purse snatcher to a busy street.
``Where did he go?’’
``He ran through traffic and went over that fence,’’ they say.
Disappointed, Mediocre Man turns around and walks back.
``He dropped the purse once you started chasing him, and she got it back,’’ another woman approaches and says.
``Thank you,’’ the purse-snatching victim says in a heavy accent.
``De nada,’’ Mediocre Man responds.
And so begins the career of Baltimore’s newest superhero.
Faster than a three-legged terrier, stronger than a middle-aged man, doing whatever the average human can, Mediocre Man fights for common decency.
``Mediocre man, what can we do about Saddam Hussein?’’ he is asked at the produce section at his local supermarket.
``How the fuck do I know, he’s got an entire army,’’ Mediocre Man replies, spying a shoplifter stuffing a banana into his pants.
``Hey, what do you think, they grow on trees?’’ he asks the shoplifter.
``Well, yeah,’’ the shoplifter replies.
``Never mind that, pay for it or put it back.’’
Join us each week, or thereabouts, for the continuing adventures of … …. Mediocre Man!!!!

Posted by Alex at December 21, 2002 02:19 AM
Post a comment

Email Address:



Remember info?