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May 27, 2002
Mission Accomplished: Back to the grind

By Alex Dominguez
from the if you want a job done right dept.

BUDAPEST, Hungary (JNS) _ Back in the seat of the Hungarian empire following a four-hour hydrofoil glide down the Danube (about $60), we find Craig Wolfson (Fiufarkas?) is also staying at the opulent and eccentric Kalmar.

Wolfson, of Ukranian descent, is the Baron of Juneau, he says. The Russians, however, spelled the name Jew-No, and sold the Alaskan territory to the U.S. shortly after convincing his family to move there by giving them the barony.

I am unsure if he is a shadow government plant, but he is pleasant and has a list of sightseeing tips from a Hungarian woman he knows. So, we join him for a few outings _ again to the Gellert baths, the ancient Roman ruins, and a touristy park where statues of Soviet heroes are now displayed.

Shadow government or not, it’s too late _ the drop has already been prearranged in Poszony. On our way back from the statue park, the count bids farewell to Fiufarkas, stops in a non-descript kitchen wares store and picks up the Czech-made ``Porkert’’ meatgrinder _

``With this, households across the United States will be weaned from the hegemony of the ground beef industry! Slowly, they will realize the truth of our way,’’ the Count declares.

``Ghandi had his spinning wheel,’’ G-Monez notes.

Posted by Alex at May 27, 2002 08:54 AM
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